The Phrases from A Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."